Father Complex
by forbiddenist
Summary: No part of this story is meant to offend. Zero is a priest who meets a stranger one night, and is drawn into this beautiful stranger's darkness. KxZ. Rated for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Father Complex**

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight in any way, nor do I make any profit from writing this.  
Warning: Religious themes and possible blasphemy. Yaoi ahead. Please look on it kindly. No part of this story is meant to offend. Review please!

* * *

Zero sighed. He had finally finished his duties for the day, and was about to retire to the back room of the church where he could _finally_ get some rest, when he realized that he wasn't alone in the Church hall.

There was a figure sitting in the front row.

Zero frowned, remembering that just thirty seconds ago he was completely alone – he was sure of it. How did that person get there? He huffed, before making his way to the figure, about to open his mouth and lapse into a lecture about how priests needed their rest too, when he was completely caught off guard by the appearance of the figure in the front row.  
A perfectly sculpted face, as if by the angels themselves, his skin a shade of fair that was just short of his own – but what really caught his attention were the stranger's eyes – amber red, a colour that he had never seen in a person's eyes, an amber that seemed to glow in the dim light, head bent slightly in prayer. The stranger's hair was long, just reaching the shoulder, in loose waves, the dark chocolate in perfect contrast to the flawless fair skin. The stranger was beautiful – a beauty that was classic, timeless. Zero released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

But that was before he realized what was on the trench coat and the crisp white shirt the stranger was wearing.

_Blood?_

Zero had neared the man and grabbed his shoulder before he could stop himself, unintentionally pushing the man against the back of the bench none too gently, wordlessly checking the stranger for wounds, his lilac eyes roaming frantically over the areas marked by crimson, before catching himself and releasing the man awkwardly, a small blush creeping onto his fair cheeks.  
"Uh…I'm…Umm…Are you hurt?"  
The beautiful stranger had pushed away the initial surprise on his fine features, and smiled.  
"I'm fine, thank you."  
_It's not my blood._  
A chill ran down Zero's spine as the stranger's voice reached his ears. It sounded absolutely sinful, a deep, melodious, wonderful tone.  
The both of them fell silent, Zero tensely watching the stranger as if he suspected he was going to double over in pain any millisecond, when the stranger finally chuckled and smiled at him again.  
"I'm really okay, shinpu-sama.* Thank you for your concern."  
Zero nodded awkwardly, and stood there for a moment, mentally debating whether it was safe to leave a potential murderer or a victim or innocent bystander in the church hall alone, and figured that whatever happened probably wasn't any of his business, and was about to retire when the same rich, chocolaty voice stopped him.  
"…would you care to sit with me for a while, shinpu-sama?"  
Zero turned back slowly, and the stranger was looking at him in the eye, and Zero felt compelled to make his way to the little space that the stranger had made for him on the bench in the front row. Zero knew how to fend for himself, he thought, and sat down quite confidently next to the stranger, a comfortable silence settling between the two of them for a while, before the stranger spoke again.  
"You're not afraid of me?"  
Zero turned his head slightly, in order to shoot a look at the man that almost said 'are-you-kidding-me?', before snorting – a very unlikely thing for a priest to do – and replied.  
"We're in the Lord's house. Even the devil's power is weakened here. Besides, I can fend for myself."  
The stranger looked surprised again, but his expression faded into something softer and sadder.  
"I see."  
Silence fell between them again for a while, and this time Zero broke it.  
"Am I supposed to be scared?"  
The stranger had stiffened visibly, his expression turning cold in the corner of Zero's eye, and there was the sound of a cat knocking down several trashcans outside before the stranger replied.  
"…No, not you, shinpu-sama. Never you." The stranger's voice was soft and deep, almost a whisper.  
Zero didn't know why the colour rushed to his cheeks.  
Again they both didn't speak, and the quiet of the night was strangely comforting.  
A few seconds later though, their awkward conversation continued.  
"I'm sorry to disturb you at so late an hour, shinpu-sama."  
Zero chuckled, and smiled.  
"You got that right. I was about to give you half my mind about coming here at this time you know."  
The stranger smiled.  
"I had nowhere else to go."  
Zero looked intently at the stranger from the corner of his eye.  
"Well," Zero began, a little haughtily, and it made the stranger smile.  
"You'll always be welcome here. I mean, as long as I'm here."  
The priest tried to sound as confident as he could, and the stranger's smile grew, before he bent his beautiful head down again.  
"…Thank you."  
It was whispered, a sincere, soulful and grateful whisper.  
Zero's cheeks flushed again.  
He was about to say more when the stranger stood.

Zero's breath caught.

The scent of roses assaulted his senses, tinged with the metallic stench of blood. It scared him; it _scared_ him for some _unfathomable _reason – and he tensed in his seat, his breath caught in fear, as he continued to watch the stranger walk down the aisle, unable to move a muscle. The large oak doors of the church creaked open, and the stranger had turned back to look at the silver-haired priest that was trembling as if he had been caught in a blizzard.  
"Thank you, shinpu-sama."  
Zero closed his eyes for about two seconds, trying to collect himself and regain control of his body, and when he opened his eyes, the stranger was gone – the doors slightly ajar, the night breeze creeping in to ruffle his hair – Zero was left alone to wonder whether that awkward conversation was real, or whether it was simply a passing dream.

* * *

Zero woke with a start.  
His ears were met with silence, but somehow, he knew that the stranger was here.  
He pulled the covers off of himself, slipping on his slippers, not even bothering to check himself in the mirror in his haste; he flung open his room door and rushed into the church hall.

And there he was, in all his ethereal beauty, sitting in the front row, in a crisp white shirt, an almost glaring white, with an expensive looking black trench coat draped around lean shoulders. The stranger smiled at him, and patted the little space on the bench beside him.  
Zero moved toward the stranger slowly, almost in disbelief, accidentally missing a step. He instinctively shut his eyes and braced himself for impact, but that impact never came.  
Instead, he found himself caught by a pair of strong arms, pulled against a hard chest, warm breath against his ear.  
"Are you alright?"  
It tickled, and it sent shivers up his spine, as well as a lot of blood to his cheeks.  
He brushed the stranger off, gathering himself, unable to meet the stranger's eyes.  
"I'm fine!"  
He made his way to his seat awkwardly, realizing suddenly that the bench was actually more than a few steps away, and that it was almost impossible for the stranger to have gotten to him when he did.  
So Zero, being Zero, turned and asked.  
"How did you-"  
"You're very beautiful, shinpu-sama."  
Zero was completely caught off guard, and the blush that he had fought off returned full force.  
"W-w-w-what are you talking about!"  
Zero stood there, at the front of the church hall, dressed in his loose nightgown and worn slippers, his silver hair a mess, regarding the brunette stranger with a look that screamed confusion.  
Half a second later he found himself in front of the stranger, the same scent of roses assaulting his senses, but this time it was comforting, pleasant and welcoming. The stranger was only slightly taller than him, but still, Zero wasn't very short. The stranger had reached to gently touch the ends of the priest's silver strands, a small warm look on his face.  
Zero had almost leaned into the touch, but he caught himself half a second later and backed away.  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
Zero's voice sounded shaky even to himself, and the look on the stranger's face did not help matters much at all.  
The stranger was smiling, albeit happily, his head tilted slightly to the side, the warm chocolate locks falling onto a beautiful, creamy cheek. The amber eyes that met pale lilac ones were warm, full of admiration and joy.  
"I apologize for my rudeness, shinpu-sama, I simply could not resist."  
Zero regarded the stranger for a moment, before sitting down, letting out a small sigh and patting the space next to him.  
"Stop calling me that, it makes me feel old. I have a name, you know."  
The stranger sat down, and suddenly Zero felt extremely comfortable letting an almost complete stranger invade his personal space.  
"May I be so honored as to learn it?"  
Zero snorted, shooting the stranger a look.  
"Kiryuu Zero. But just Zero's fine."  
The stranger's smile grew, and comfortable silence settled between the pair once more.  
Zero frowned.  
"Aren't you going to tell me yours?"  
The stranger looked slightly surprised, but leaned back, his body visibly relaxing as he moved closer to the priest just a little.

"My name is Kuran Kaname."

Zero didn't know why, but he felt that he had heard the name somewhere. He repeated it once, secretly liking the way it rolled off his tongue. He had a feeling he would be using this name frequently soon.  
The silence set in again, each of them just enjoying having the other beside him, when Zero broke the silence once more.  
"Why do you only come at night?"  
Kaname frowned, but it was gone as soon as it came.  
"I'm really busy in the day."  
Zero nodded in agreement – being a priest wasn't very relaxing in the day either, he mused. But then it also occurred to him how little he knew of this mysterious night time visitor whose company he had grown to miss over the past few days.  
"How come you've never visited before?"  
Kaname looked down, a small wistful look on his beautiful face.  
"I was scared."  
"…Scared?"  
"…Scared of stepping into the house of God."  
"Why would you be afraid? You haven't been doing anything bad, have you?"  
The stranger didn't reply, but simply smiled.  
Zero frowned, but didn't push it.

For some odd reason, he knew that this man was dangerous, but also that he would never hurt him.

* * *

"I'm glad you made it. It's the first time you've visited before dark."  
"Thank you for your invitation, Zero. The pie looks delectable."  
Zero set a plate in front of Kaname, a small look of triumph on his face.  
"I baked it myself. I'm giving you the first slice – the rest are gifts for the families that visit. Give me your honest opinion."  
Kaname smiled, picking up his fork, he gingerly started eating the pastry.  
"It's….very good."  
Zero didn't look very convinced.  
"You know it's a sin to lie in the House of God, Kaname."  
"…I'm not lying."  
_I would never lie to you._  
The brunet held out a piece for the priest, who awkwardly ate it from the fork held out in front of him.  
"You're right. I'm not a very bad baker then."  
Zero heard Kaname chuckle, and he shortly joined in the laughter.  
"Tell me more about you."  
Kaname froze, putting down his fork slowly, his expression turning grave. Zero silently wondered if he had somehow said something wrong.  
Kaname took a deep breath, a small sad smile on his fine features.  
"Are you sure you want to know, Zero? It may destroy everything we have now."  
Zero looked surprised, but was silent.  
_He didn't want this to end, not yet._  
"Then I'll wait."  
Kaname visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumping, before he picked up his fork again and continued eating his pie with renewed vigor.  
Zero had sighed defeatedly, turning and slipping off the apron and making to hang it on the rack by the fridge, when he thought he heard Kaname's silky voice whisper the words 'thank you'.

---

The weeks passed into months. Kaname's visits to the church were starting to become daily, and Zero would always be up to sit with the brunet until sunrise, either in silence or simply chat about recent happenings about the church. Zero was slowly growing more tired due to his lack of sleep, and had once dozed off in the middle of a conversation. Kaname had warmly carried him back into his room and tucked him in, brushing a stray lock from his face, and pressing a small secret kiss to perfect lips. The next night Kaname had insisted that Zero sleep, and that he'd just be content to watch him sleep, to which Zero had strongly objected to, and the both of them ended up on the bench in the front row as usual, because Kaname never seemed to be able to win against Zero.

* * *

"Thank you for not judging me, Zero."  
Zero looked up from his crossword puzzle, a small questioning look on his face.  
"…you're welcome. What's a seven letter word for a mythical creature that drinks blood to survive...? That's a _Vampire_, isn't it?"  
Kaname froze, before coldly replying.  
"What crossword is that?"  
"It's a Halloween special. I don't know why, but the kids are harping about how awesome this year's Halloween will be, because they spent so much time and effort on their costumes. I hear they plan on scaring me – Kaname?"  
The brunet had froze, a frown on his fine features.  
"Kaname? Are you alright? Do you hate Halloween?"  
"You're right, Zero. It _is 'Vampire'_."  
Kaname's voice sounded like ice, and the normally warm amber gaze had died down to a pitch black.  
"_My people_."  
Zero looked confused, before glaring at the brunet.  
"It's Halloween isn't it. Everyone's in on it."  
"No, Zero."  
Kaname's voice was shaking.  
"…I am…"  
A knock on the large oak doors caught them off guard.  
"Kaname-sama?"  
The referred brunet cursed softly, his eyes resting on Zero for a moment, before he turned toward the door.  
"Yes, Aidou. Did I not request that no one disturbs me here?"  
"I-I-I'm sorry, Kaname-sama! But it seems that we've caught wind of Riido-sama's whereabouts-"  
Kaname's eyes widened, and he immediately stood, emitting an aura that screamed violence, murder and anger at the mention of 'Riido', facing the source of the childish sounding voice. Zero's muscles froze, and breathing was difficult, he felt as if the pressure in the room had heightened suddenly, and that strange inexplicable fear was starting to bubble inside him again – _like the first time they met_.  
"Kaname?" Zero's voice seemed to stir something inside of the brunet, and his look softened.  
The effects of Kaname's anger disappeared instantly, and the brunet had dropped to his knees, an apologetic look on his handsome features, his hands reaching to gently touch the priest's cheeks lovingly.  
"I apologize, Zero. I have to leave you."  
Zero was still dizzy from the lack of air before, and nodded, his eyes not meeting Kaname's.  
Two seconds later Zero was left alone in the church hall, still trying to catch his breath.

* * *

"I think you owe me an explanation."  
Kaname sighed, but met Zero's gaze head-on.  
The brunet had returned the next night, with a bouquet of lilacs in hand, as if it were a peace offering. Zero had chuckled, before walking to the large doors to greet his friend.  
The Kuran didn't speak, but kept looking at the priest, as if he were trying to memorize every feature of the silver-haired man. Slowly, tentatively, the brunet reached for the priest's hand, meeting no resistance, he brought it to his face, and gently pressed his lips against long, slender fingers.  
Zero's cheeks coloured, but he made no attempt to pull away.  
"I'm sorry I've let this drag on for so long, Zero."  
The brunet stepped closer, so that Zero's nose was almost touching his cheek, he released the warm hand he had been holding on to, reaching up to cup a flawless cheek instead, sliding downward to hold onto a perfect chin. He guided the priest's face closer to his own, tilting that perfection upward, a small apologetic look on his face. The priest had somewhat caught on to what he was trying to do, and lifted a hand to stop him, when Kaname's free hand gripped his wrist. The lilacs had fallen to the ground with a rustle.  
"Please allow me to do this, Zero."  
The brunet leaned closer, so that their lips were now brushing.  
"…because this will be the last time…"  
Their lips met, Zero caught by surprise as he was pushed against the door behind him, his head cushioned by Kaname's hand, the warm, comfortable pressure of the other man's lips was like a drug – something Zero had never once ever been exposed to – and when Kaname's tongue had intruded into his mouth, he had pushed at the body in front of him in shock, trying to break free, but the strong, familiar hands held him in place, forcing him to engage in a battle of tongues as Zero's brain went on auto-pilot.  
He moaned.  
The sound from him brought Kaname back to his senses, and he reluctantly pulled away from a now-panting Zero, but not completely, still giving into the urge to hold onto the slightly smaller man's nape, to caress that fair cheek, to touch his forehead to that of the wonderful existence that was Kiryuu Zero.  
Zero's cheeks were beautifully coloured, pale lilac eyes unable to meet his own, instead stubbornly trained on the floor. The sight made Kaname want to be selfish, made him want to be greedy, to keep this terribly terrific creature all to himself.

His hands slid down to become limp at his sides as he pulled away completely now, a look that told of much pain and sorrow was spread across Kuran Kaname's perfect features as he regarded the person that had become his friend out of the kindness of his heart, for _who_ he was instead of _what_ he was, this person who loved him simply for being _Kaname_, and not _the Pure-Blood Prince, Kuran_…this young _boy_, with his stunning silver hair and snow-fair skin, his expressive lilac eyes, and his frighteningly perfect features.  
"I'm sorry I met you, Zero."  
The priest had froze, looking up slowly, trying to ingest what he had just heard.  
"W-what?"  
"I'm never seeing you again, Zero."  
_Zero, Zero, Zero. _  
The look of shock and hurt on the fair-haired boy's face nearly broke the Kuran's resolve.  
_I love you.  
_"Fare well."  
Kaname closed his eyes as he turned, he was thinking of Zero, he didn't want this kind, beautiful man to be caught in all the darkness he was drowning in daily. No, this man was the _light_, he was the light that Kaname could never be, could never dream of touching. He couldn't taint such a wondrous being, he _couldn't_.

But Zero would have none of that.

The slightly shorter man had gripped onto his shoulder, and pulled him to face him with surprising strength.  
"What are you saying? Why!"  
Kaname remained silent, unable to meet the shorter man's eyes.  
"You can't…You _can't just saunter in here and break off all ties with me after doing that!_"

Kaname finally met the priest's gaze, but what Zero saw wasn't the once warm and kind amber eyes he had been so familiar with – these were cold and lifeless and told of death.  
But Zero's grip on the expensive black sleeve tightened despite himself.  
"I…I don't care if you're…not _normal_."  
There wasn't a nice way of saying things like this, but Zero really didn't want to lose this man's friendship, the company, the laughter, the smiles that he had grown to cherish and the character he had grown to care for.  
"I'm not just _not normal_, Zero. I'm a monster."  
Zero laughed awkwardly, although the tone of the Kuran's voice hardly called for it.  
"You're Kaname. You could never be a monster. Now why don't we sit down and talk-"  
"I was born like this, Zero."  
Zero fell silent.  
"I'm not _human_, Zero."  
The slightly taller man now seemed to loom over the silver-haired male.  
Kaname laughed at his own foolishness. He had forgotten that religious humans saw same-sex relationships as blasphemy.  
_One more reason for him not to get close to Zero._  
"…You're a fallen angel?"  
Kaname thought his heart had stopped when he heard the words leave Zero's lips, but he had broken out into cold chuckling instead.  
"An _angel_, Zero? I first met you in this church hall covered in _blood_."  
Zero looked down to the stone floor, shaking his head slightly.  
"You've made me happier in the time that I've known you than all the time I've spent with the rest of the world, Kaname."  
Pale lilac met with cool amber.  
"You're a blessing."  
The slightly shorter man took a step closer to the Kuran, who moved backward in response; unintentionally backing into the door. Zero had cornered him. Amber eyes flared.  
"You have _no idea_ what I can do to you! What I do to _others_! I'm a cruel, horrible person, Kiryuu Zero!" It was Kaname's plea to Zero – to save him from the darkness.  
A gentle hand pushed a stray lock of chocolate behind his ear, and a gentle hand rested on his cold cheek, forcing him to look into those beautiful eyes. Kuran Kaname fought all urge to just tackle the man in front of him and consume him with his feelings; he needed to get away.  
"You're the sweetest, gentlest and most honest person I've met in a while, Kaname. It's going to take a lot to change my mind about that."  
Kaname's face fell.

_He couldn't allow this. He couldn't allow this man to be his weakness; he couldn't allow this man to lose himself in his darkness._

"No it's not."  
The words came as a whisper, one that Zero would not have heard should he not have been standing so close to the man.  
"What?"  
"…I'll show you."  
Kaname's eyes bore into Zero's, like an unspoken challenge.  
A strong, elegant hand grabbed a fair wrist.  
"I'll show you just how much of a monster I can be."

* * *

Notes:

*shinpu-sama (神父様): "Father" or "Priest" in Japanese.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm terribly sorry I took so long to write this, but the plot is thickening! I also _still_ have a mountain of things on my to-do list, so please forgive this shorter chapter. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and for reading this story. I have yet to proofread this story, so kindly overlook any mistakes.

Please enjoy.

* * *

Father Complex

2

_Kaname's eyes bore into Zero's, like an unspoken challenge.  
A strong, elegant hand grabbed a fair wrist.  
"I'll show you just how much of a monster I can be."_

_---_

It was dark.  
Zero couldn't make out where he was; only that he was with Kaname. They were on a street, the cold weather bringing with it mist, and Kaname's grip on his wrist was starting to sting. He was being pulled through streets and alleyways at a ridiculous speed, they stopped in front of what looked like a small abandoned house, and Kaname had but paused for a second, before the door opened with a creak and Zero was none too gently showed into it.

Zero barely had the time to look around him as he was pulled up the stairs and into a room.

Kaname's expression told him to remain silent.  
It was dark, and his sense of smell was flooded by decay, blood and death, and Zero was trying very hard to hold in his dinner, when Kaname released him, his slightly glowing eyes, like embers, fixed on two figures in the corner of the room that the priest had not noticed before. He moved forward, away from the Kuran to get a better look.

A man was crouching over a white corpse, appearing to lap at the open gash at what Zero could tell was once a fair, slender neck. The body that the man was crouching over was bent in unnatural angles.  
_Like a broken marionette._

Zero unintentionally inched closer to Kaname, making a sound with his shoe against the gravel as he did so, causing the man to look up and turn in his direction.

What Zero saw was something that he would never be able to forget.

It wasn't a man at all –  
_It was a monster._

The man, no, _thing_, stood up, its hands like talons, eyes a bright fiery red as it crept closer to the two men in its domain, a small feral look on its face. It broke out into a run about a meter from them, and Kaname had made no movement when the thing made contact with Zero's shoulder, wrenching him closer, pouncing on the silver-haired man, claws threatening to rip open a fair throat, ignoring Kaname as if _it couldn't see him_. Zero couldn't scream, he couldn't even move – his limbs were frozen in fear, his vocal chords had shriveled up, his frightened lilac eyes desperately trained on Kaname's passive figure, his vision becoming blurry as tears filled his eyes –

Then there was nothing.

The monster was frozen, inches away from Zero's face, and the priest could smell the foul, putrid breath from that open mouth, see the saliva coating those sharp, terrible canines. Zero fell back on his weak knees, unable to support himself any longer. He felt that familiar hard chest behind him, belonging to the same person who maneuvered his face away from the monster, burying it in a warm, soft and pleasant-smelling shoulder, whose sleeve he immediately clung to like a lost child. He was choking back on sobs. Kaname's grip tightened on his shoulders, as he heard that cool, chocolaty voice whisper in his ear.  
"Do you see, Zero?" Those elegant hands were exerting wonderful pressure behind his ear, calming him down.  
"I could have let that thing kill you."  
Zero's eye snapped open, letting the words sink in, but shaking his head again slowly.  
"…_But you didn't_."  
There was something in Kaname's eyes that made Zero want to comfort him – to do anything in order to make that _look_ go away.  
"Watch, Zero."  
Zero forced his frightened eyes open – he didn't even know when he had shut them again – and he turned slowly, to look at what Kaname wanted him to see.  
"I'm going to kill it slowly now."  
Zero's hands shot up to his ears as he heard a deafening _snap_, a sound that told of the breaking of bone, and the sharp, drawn-out shriek that followed. He shut his eyes again, turning away to cling to Kaname. The sounds of agony that reached his ears made his heart clench and ache. But the Kuran nudged him again.  
"_Watch, Zero._ _This is what I'm capable of – this is what I can do without even batting an eyelid._"

Another snap followed, and another.  
The screams of the _thing_ were driving him crazy.

He could hear the gravel as it writhed on the floor.

"Stop…" Zero was close to fainting, but his hold on Kaname's sleeve didn't loosen, and he leaned against that strong shoulder weakly.  
"_STOP!_"  
The snapping stopped, and Zero could feel the soft pads of Kaname's fingertips touching his tear-stained cheek, a slow, comforting gesture. The creature was still groaning in pain, but Zero's attention was on the glowing irises on Kaname's face. They were full of emotion – full of regret and sadness.  
"_Watch._"  
The thing's hand started to _burn_, a myriad of red, orange, yellow and blue – the flames travelled down its arm, slowly consuming the whole being. The cries were inhuman, like a dying animal – nothing that Zero had ever heard before – and that _smell_, that _putrid, foul_ smell that reached his nose made him want to just lose consciousness and _escape_.  
"_This_ is what I can be, Zero."  
They stood there, Zero shaking in Kaname's arms, the taller man refusing to let him move, or even pass out. The sound died down with the flames, leaving a charred, black _carcass_ in its wake, the whole room _reeked_ with the evil fumes of cremation.  
"….Why?"  
Zero's voice sounded weak and foreign to even himself.  
He couldn't feel his hands – they were holding on to Kaname's sleeve so tightly they were numb. Kaname's one hand felt like fire as it closed on his own.  
He felt Kaname's fingertips touch his forehead gently.  
"_I'm sorry_."

…His vision went black.

* * *

Elegant fingers caressed silver strands, pushing them away from those perfect eyes, before trailing down a soft, milky cheek. The darkness of the city sped past them outside the car window.  
He was weak.

For the first time in _his life_, _Kuran Kaname_ was _weak_.

He couldn't bring himself to let go of the priest, couldn't be strong enough to withhold from his selfish desires of monopolizing this being, of making this person look at him and _only him_. He couldn't help but want to possess _Kiryuu Zero_, to be everything to this person, and _perhaps, _let this person be his everything.

He was undoubtedly in love with this person.

But he couldn't allow this person to be his _weakness_, Kuran Kaname didn't _have weaknesses_.  
Yet this silver-haired man had in such a short time completely torn down his defenses and made him completely vulnerable.  
Perfect fingers gently touched those slightly parted lips.

_Kuran Kaname has no weaknesses._

_

* * *

  
_

"_No…no, no, no_!"

It was dark.

He felt cold and alone.

Lilac eyes snapped open, looking around hurriedly to gather his bearings.

He was back in his bed at the church.  
_Alone_.  
He wrenched himself out of bed; his legs still a bit shaky from his last "outing". He made it to the door with a little difficulty, desperately praying in his heart that he would be able to see that familiar figure sitting in the front row, with that kind, wonderful look on his beautiful face, desperately hoping that _last night_ was a bad dream.  
He pushed the door open, his eyes adjusting to the darkness, and he what he was greeted with made him want to cry.

…_silence._

Kuran Kaname was no longer there.

Zero leaned against the closest wall, sliding to the floor slowly, quietly.  
He couldn't understand it then – but his heart felt worse than the scare he had been put through.  
He clutched at the dull pain in his chest, confused, afraid, and angry.  
Zero didn't understand it – he couldn't understand why his heart felt like it was being crushed.

He couldn't breathe as the dull throbbing consumed him, as the silent tears rolled down his cheeks.

* * *

He searched for him.

Unintentionally, when he was out in town buying groceries, when he was in a street fair, when he was out visiting, his lilac eyes would search for that familiar figure, desperately praying that he would meet _him_ at the next corner.

Kuran Kaname destroyed his life.

The purple of lilacs that sat in the vase on top of the church piano was a cruel reminder of what place the Kuran held in his heart.

It was _wrong _– _sodomy_, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't _deny_ it, as much as he tried.  
He _wanted_ Kuran Kaname to come back. He _wanted_ Kuran Kaname to be by his side again. He couldn't explain the want to be near the Kuran; he couldn't understand his futile hope of the brunet coming back, he didn't want to, but he couldn't stop himself from hoping. It was as if the taller man had cast some sort of spell on him, one that couldn't be broken unless Zero had somehow managed to lose his memories.

It was annoying.

It had been nearly two months. He exited the small bookshop, his purchase safely cradled in his left arm, he made his way to the traffic light, his free hand pulling at his shirt a little – he still couldn't forget the night that Kaname had left him – the darkness, the damp, evil smells; the screams. He still woke up in the middle of the night with the thing's terrible cries still ringing in his ears. He didn't dare to walk dark streets alone at night, he avoided going to places he didn't recognize – he hardly stepped out of the church at night.

He pushed open the church door, only to have it bump into what seemed to be the rubber sole of a shoe.  
"What took you so long?"  
Lilac eyes snapped upward to see the familiar face of the person he was just thinking about two minutes ago.  
"Yuuki?"  
"What's with that guilty face? Have you been slacking while I was away?"  
Zero didn't reply, but looked to the floor a little sadly.  
Yuuki Cross moved aside to let the young priest in, a small disdainful look on her face. The girl was practically his sister, a preppy, cheerful, pretty thing that somehow or other always knew something was bothering him, even if he didn't say anything. They were raised together by the same person, after all.  
"Something up?"  
The girl followed Zero into the back room, an eyebrow raised in reply to the priest's denials at anything out of the ordinary. She seated himself at the small table near the window, leaning on her elbows.  
"I've known you since _we were both wearing diapers_, Zero. I _know_ when something's up."  
Zero's lilac eyes showed his slight panic and his internal battle as he thought about what Yuuki might say about his relationship with the Kuran – would she understand? Would she condemn it? Would she lecture him and tell him to move on?  
Yuuki sighed, his patience wearing thin.  
"Well? Out with it."  
Zero smiled sadly, but shook his head. He placed the book he just bought on the modest bookshelf in the corner, a distant look in his eyes.  
Yuuki frowned, getting up to move closer to him, touching his elbow tentatively, her eyes shining with concern.  
"Zero, are you okay?"  
The priest turned to face her, that plastic smile still on his lips.  
"I'm okay, Yuuki. Nothing to worry about."

* * *

It had been two months.  
Kuran Kaname had tried to settle back into his life _without Zero Kiryuu_, but it just _wasn't the same_.  
He wanted to run back to the church – every night he would unconsciously find himself driving by the building – fighting the urge to just steal the priest away – to taint him with his darkness, to corrupt that purity, that innocence and beauty, to make it _his_, and only his.  
He leaned back onto the vintage office chair with a small sigh, running an elegant hand through chocolate tresses, his amber eyes set on nothing in particular. Everything was planned. Tonight was the night that Rido Kuran would meet his end.  
Kaname's eyes narrowed as his train of thought continued to darken.  
Rido Kuran, the man whose abhorrent _mess_ he had to clean up. The man who murdered his parents, the man who forced his sister into hiding; the man Kaname was _itching_ to kill with his _bare hands_. Kaname's hand tightened on his pants. He would revenge his parents, he would set everything back to the way it was supposed to be.

Oh _yes, _he would butcher his dear _Uncle_ so well that not even his soul will remain in one piece.

He would _kill Rido Kuran_ and he would find his lost sister.

Kaname's musings stopped when the door to his study clicked open. Takuma Ichijou stood by the door, not entering the room without permission, his green eyes reflecting the warm yellow from the light in the hall.

"Kaname-sama," Takuma began; his usually smiling face was serious.

"It's time to go."

Kaname schooled his features, nodding regally and standing, picking up his expensive looking black coat as Takuma held the door open for him. They shared a look; a look that said that everything would end soon.

And yes, Kaname thought as the two of them made their way into the entrance hall, to be greeted by a large group of people, their eyes glowing like flame in the dim light.

Everything would end _tonight_.

* * *

"Yuuki's_ what_?"  
Zero stood from his chair, almost knocking it over. His hand clutched the phone so tightly he felt himself shaking.  
Kaien Cross' voice sounded raspy over the line.  
"She's in the hospital, Zero."  
"Is she okay? What happened?"  
"She was collapsed in her room, and I couldn't wake her at all."  
"Have the doctors said anything?"  
"No, they haven't. _Calm down_, Zero."  
Zero's mind was racing. Even though the man told him to calm himself, he couldn't, simply because Kaien Cross didn't sound very calm himself. And if _Kaien Cross_, the man who was practically a father to him, the man who was usually so level headed even when acting like an idiot, sounded so insecure, it had to be something serious.  
"I'm heading over now."  
"But it's late, Ze-"  
He hurriedly put down the phone, grabbing his coat from the hanger he rushed out into the night, his heart praying that Yuuki would be okay. He fought the unyielding insecurity tugging at his heart as he stepped out of the church, onto the dark sidewalk, gathering his coat closer to himself, he banished what fear remained and mustered his courage as he turned left, toward a string of dark alleyways – the shortcut to the hospital.

But he didn't know he was being watched.

He turned a corner, almost sprinting through several dark alleyways; only stopping when he heard the sound from somewhere above him.

_Something_ was on one of the roofs.

The priest started running again, panic wrapping its familiar tendrils around his heart as he raced through the alleys, flashes of the _thing _surged through his frenzied mind; he ran a little faster,trying to ignore the sounds that seemed to be getting louder and louder as he ran. He didn't want to know what was chasing him, he wanted to pretend he didn't see the silhouette of one of _those things_ the moon cast on the damp, gray walls. He could hear his heart beating loudly in his was panting now – the main road was just _there_…

He barely had time to scream as he felt two clammy, claw-like hands grab onto him from behind.

* * *

Kuran Kaname's eyes snapped upward, unintentionally catching the attentions of the six people in the limousine with him.

He had the worst feeling.

But he ignored it, he had things to take care of, things that cannot wait.

* * *

A/N: I sincerely hope you liked this chapter. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer! *smacks self*


	3. Chapter 3

Father Complex

3

_Kuran Kaname's eyes snapped upward, unintentionally catching the attentions of the six people in the limousine with him._

_He had the worst feeling.  
__But he ignored it, he had things to take care of, things that cannot wait._

Zero was scared.

When he woke he was already in this cold, small, dingy room with nothing but a bed and a light bulb hanging from the ceiling; there were no windows he could look out of, the only opening was the worn wooden door that faced the bed. He had been banging at the door for nearly two hours, and his knuckles were starting to bruise and peel. His voice was hoarse from shouting in hope that _someone_ would hear him; but he now merely sat helplessly on the small bed, with his eyes closed and hands held together, his head slightly bent. He tried to think of anyone who wanted to bring harm upon him, but his memory failed him. Who was it then? Who was keeping him here, confined in this tiny room, with nothing but stale air for company?

He heard a click at the door, but he didn't look up.

"Praying's not going to do you much good."  
Zero's ears perked. The stranger standing at the door used a tone that hinted superiority, and when Zero finally brought himself to look at the man, he was at a complete loss of words.  
The man standing at the door looked like Kaname.

Zero's throat dried up, and the man smirked, as if he was amused by Zero's look of recognition.  
Messy brown locks, milk caramel skin and garnet eyes.  
The man said nothing further, but instead kept his beautiful eyes trained on Zero, as if weighing him up in his mind. There was something in his eyes that made the alarms at the back of Zero's head go mad.  
"You don't look like much." The voice was that reached his ears was rich and sultry, not unlike Kaname's. The man didn't move from the door way, tilting his head to the side slightly, still eyeing the priest.  
"So how did you do it?" The man looked bored now, lifting a hand to check his nails.  
Zero honestly didn't know what he did.  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Of course you do. Your scent was all over the place where I found its body. _You_ killed it."  
The man came closer, now towering over the silver haired priest, his eyes glowing slightly, the elegant features on his face were pulled into a terrible smile.  
"But there were also traces of _someone else_, wasn't there?" The man kneeled in front of him, cold fingers guiding his chin to face him.  
"…_Someone who looks like me_." The man's handsome face was centimeters away from his own, and he could smell the man's breath.

_He knew_.

The man's lips ghosted over Zero's, and the priest couldn't fight the shiver that travelled down his spine.  
"You _are_ quite a gem, Kiryuu-kun." Zero tried to pull his hand back when the stranger caught his wrist, but he found that he couldn't.  
"You're a beauty in more ways than one it seems, to be able to _enchant_ my nephew. You're indeed worth something…" the man trailed off, this time forcing Zero's face closer to his own, so that their lips were almost touching again.  
Zero's mind was reeling.

_This man is Kaname's Uncle._

His head was forced to the side now, exposing his neck to the older man. He fought to keep silent as the man buried his face in the priest's neck, inhaling deeply, letting out a disturbing whine of pleasure.  
"Yes, yes, you're _perfect_." The older man forced his neck into an awkward angle, uncomfortable and straining for his muscles, but without enough force for dislocation. His body turned to lead as he felt searing hot breath over his exposed skin.

* * *

It took them about two hours to find the place.

Kaname felt a shiver shake his entire frame, and he paused for a fraction of a second at the doorway of where his people and he believed Riido to be in. The Nobles behind him stopped as well, noticing the slight hesitation but keeping silent, waiting for any change in instructions. The Pureblood once again pushed the uncomfortable feeling aside and concentrated on the door in front of him – they had slaughtered their way up to the top floor, the stench of blood and death stank up the corridors. Kaname frowned, using his powers to open the door forcefully, immediately shutting the windows and putting the whole room on lock down as his people ran into the room killing everything in sight; he stood in the door way, trying to calm his angrily beating heart as his eyes met with the eyes of the man who murdered his family.

"Riido," Kaname ground out as civilly as he could.  
"How rude, Kaname. You should address your elders with more respect."  
The man that stared back at him amongst the chaos was exactly as he remembered – the unkempt hair, the handsome face, the wine coloured eyes.

The man was smirking.

Kaname launched himself at the older vampire, and the battle that ensued was too quick for the eye to catch – the nobles didn't know what happened – they witnessed only flashes of colour, and in a second Riido crashed into a wall, coughing out blood, with Kaname looming over him with murder on his face and a vice-like grip on the other Pureblood's neck.  
A familiar scent reached his nose as he held the older man down, a scent that he thought he would never once come in contact with again.  
Kaname was beyond angry – he was furious, he wanted to kill. He wanted to destroy the existence of Kuran Riido, he wanted to wipe out everything that man held dear.  
"What the _fuck_ did you do to Zero?" The words came out as a venomous hiss, and his grip increased. Riido didn't seem affected by it – the smirk never left his face.  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" That same taunting voice he remembered in his childhood sent ripples of anger through his being.  
"Tell me, or I will _crush you, Uncle_."  
The older Vampire didn't reply immediately, instead struggling a bit against Kaname's hold. Kaname had little patience for him, and slammed him against the wall once more, ignoring the resultant coughing.  
"Tell me!" Kaname had hardly ever raised his voice, even in anger, and Riido genuinely looked shaken.  
"…y-you'll need me alive, Kana-"  
"I'll be the one to decide that!"  
"I- I assure you, nephew, that the boy will need me more than you do-"  
Kaname had no patience to allow his Uncle to even complete his sentences as he fought all urge to just burn his Uncle into ashes and crush every bone in his body just for touching Zero.  
"You filthy-" Kaname didn't let himself continue as he his anger completely took over.  
"You can't kill me, Kaname!" The older man pleaded, coughing, the light in his eyes flickering.  
The old man was still smirking.

"The boy is-"

A sick squish rang throughout the room, lost in all the sounds of fighting and death.

* * *

_Zero was numb._

_He couldn't feel anything. The rain felt dull on his skin – the blood wasn't washing off from his clothes, so he just stood there. _

_He was lost. _

_He roughly registered a lady running towards him, but he couldn't make out what she was saying._

"…_inside!"_

_Zero ignored her, turning instead to the gray sky, losing himself in the slow movement of the gray clouds –_

He woke with a start.

Zero was lying in bed, but the environment around him was unfamiliar and sterile.

_Blood_.

It was the first thing that came to his mind. His hand rose to press against his neck, the area where he remembered feeling a sharp pain – where he remembered feeling his life drain away from him.

He shivered – now curling himself into a fetal position and trying to push the memories from his mind. It was all just a dream! It had to be. There was no pain in his neck; there was no evidence at all that that crazy man had bitten him – it could only be a _dream_. He straightened himself again, trying to calm himself down, and realized that Kaien was sleeping by his side, glasses still on. Zero smiled a little, reaching to remove his stepfather's glasses and set them on the bedside table. The door was open, and two nurses were walking by, their voices loud and unchecked for a hospital. Their conversation, however, caught Zero's interest.  
"Did you hear? There was a patient who was left at the hospital gates yesterday!"  
"I heard, I heard! He was covered in blood, but there were no wounds on him."  
"Apparently the lab results have come back – it's all really his blood!"  
"That's just scary."

Zero strained to listen to the rest of the conversation between the nurses, but they were too far off now. Flashes of a dark gray sky assaulted his mind; a bloody shirt, the pool of crimson on the wet gravel.

_It wasn't a dream._

It wasn't a dream, and everything came back to him – the pain, the man who bit into his neck, drawing out his blood, bleeding him into a glass and sipping from it, laughing as Zero continued to struggle and pray –

Kaien shifted in his sleep, startling the priest.

"…Zero?"  
The younger man didn't reply immediately, desperately pushing the memories from his mind, he gathered himself before he forced a smile on his face.  
"…Cross." He acknowledged, his slight form still trembling a little. He forced himself to keep still as Kaien reached over to touch his face.

"You okay?" It warmed him that Kaien Cross still cared so much for him, and that he was here with him right now. He didn't know why, but he found himself leaning into the touch, his vision blurring as tears filled his eyes.

…_He was safe now._

_He was safe._

Kaien pulled the younger man into a firm hug, letting the boy just sob quietly. He had so many things to ask him, but he would do that later.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Zero's discharge from the Hospital.

He still had nightmares about red eyes that glowed in the darkness, sharp, glistening canines and sparkling wine glasses. He didn't dare to be alone at night – but yet he was forced to.

It had started even before his discharge. The families that attended his church visited him regularly, bringing home-made pastries and fruit baskets and get-well cards. Zero caught realized he felt extremely thirsty when they were with him, with their warmth and their laughter and their closeness. He could faintly hear their hearts beating when there was a pause in their conversation, or when they hugged him. He felt a numb, inexplicable haze trying to take over his consciousness every time they got too close. He could feel his mouth dry up as he watched their pretty, delicate necks and listened to the alluring pounding of their hearts.

He knew deep down what all this meant.

_He knew, but he didn't want it to be true._

He tried to live normally, tried to lapse back into his daily routine – visiting, giving mass, having families over, confession. But it all seemed like some façade he was playing out now.

_He was damned._  
He shouldn't even be in the house of God.

He felt so dirty, soiled; worst of all – he felt betrayed.

Betrayed by _Kuran Kaname_.

He started to distance himself from people, rejecting invitations to their houses, chasing them away when they dropped by. He was only brave enough for mass and sermons and confessions. At least he knew that they would be safer in numbers or with something separating them. He kept everyone away. And sure enough, after two months, they stopped coming.

He was slowly going mad from the constant thirst in the back of throat – the same reason why he was getting weaker every day.

No matter what he did, what he ate or drank, he could feel himself losing the battle with the hunger he felt inside him, like a poisonous and hateful snake. But Zero resisted – he was good at resisting.

And so three months passed, slowly and painfully, and Zero was reduced to something short of a living skeleton – he lost a lot of weight, he was weak on his feet, his eyes were bloodshot and dry. He was crouched in front of the altar though, praying like he would always do; for strength to persevere through this madness, for a miracle to come and save him –

The large doors creaked open.

Zero didn't need to turn to know who it was.

Soft footsteps sounded in the empty church, and Zero was fighting not to just break down and cry.

The footsteps stopped a few paces behind the crouching priest.  
A long time passed before someone broke the piercing silence.  
"W-why…" Zero tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, trying to hide his pain and anger and all the rest of his confused emotions that threatened to burst.  
"Why did you come back, Kaname?"

The man behind him didn't answer, instead he moved closer to the trembling and weak priest, kneeling behind him.

"I'm sorry."

It was the sound of his voice – it had to be. It was the same melodious, beautiful voice that he had missed so dearly. It was as if the moment Zero heard that voice, something broke, and his whole frame was wracked with sobs, tears flowing freely from lilac eyes. He was so angry, so _angry_.  
Strong arms pulled him against a hard chest, soft lips pressing to his temple in apology; the sound of the frantic deep breaths the brunet took as he buried his face in his hair was etched into his memories.

Zero wanted to push him away, to punch him, to slap him – hell, he wanted to do _anything_ to him, but he couldn't move. He was so overcome with his emotions he couldn't lift a finger. The Kuran nuzzled the back of his shoulder, resting his forehead there, repeatedly asking for forgiveness.  
"Zero, Zero, _Zero..._" Kaname whispered over and over again, as if he was trying to convince himself that the priest was really in his arms. Zero couldn't stop crying, his chest ached so badly he didn't know what to do.  
"I'm so sorry." The older man pulled away, turning the fair-haired man to face him, beautiful fingers holding his chin up so he could look into his face.  
"_My poor, beautiful Zero…_"  
The hand that caressed his cheek was trembling. Zero refused to meet the other man's eyes, instead keeping it downcast.  
"…Why won't you look at me?" The brunet was pleading, his other hand now running through silver strands. Zero tried to resist the temptation of taking blood from the warm body in front of him – he was fighting _so hard_. The fair hands on the arms of the familiar black trench coat clenched as he closed his eyes and tried to will it away.

"…You haven't fed at all. You're losing yourself."

Zero shook his head.  
"I'm fine."  
"You're not. Take from me, Zero. Please." Kaname gracefully undid his collar, folding it down and holding it in place to expose the juncture between his neck and shoulder to the priest. His other hand gently guided the weakened man closer to him so that they were completely pressed together. Zero turned his head away, his hands weakly pushing at the body before him.  
"No, I can't."  
The man didn't answer.  
"I- I- I don't want to be a monster."  
The man's whole body stiffened, and Zero felt immediate regret as soon as the words left his mouth.

"No, Zero."  
_I'm the Monster. I let this happen to you._  
The man pulled away a little, separating their bodies only enough to make a gash on his neck. The alluring scent of blood hit them both, affecting Zero more as it slowly drew and angry red line down the man's collarbone.

"Drink, Zero."

The priest's eyes started to glow, dimly, like lanterns in the darkness, and he slowly parted his parched lips, his fangs already fully extended. The haze was winning – the haze was taking over.

Kaname hissed as the smaller man licked the trail from his collarbone to the cut, before actually breaking skin with his inexperienced fangs. A strong hand held the fair head in place, exhaling slowly to keep his heartbeat normal; the excess blood was soaking his shirt collar. The man's other hand continued to rub the priest's back in soothing circles, urging him on.

"Don't worry, Zero."

The younger man sighed, licking at the closing wound before making another one.

"I_'ll take care of everything._"

* * *

A/N: Oh my, I took a while for this update, didn't I… -kicks self- Please forgive me! Well, I've been a bit busy with school work and projects and whatnot so I'm terribly sorry that I only finished this now (and the fact that it's quite short). But fret not, I _will_ continue this story, as well as _Rewind_, though _Nostalgia_ and my other works may take a bit more. (Writer's block is not fun.) I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Feel free to leave a review on how I may improve or maybe something you'd like to see or whatever you want to leave a review on. Reviews keep me going. Much love, Forbiddenist.


	4. Chapter 4

Father Complex

4.

Zero awoke to a dark room.

The scent of roses flooded his senses, and he realized that he was tucked into an extremely comfortable and large bed, and that his body felt so good it almost seemed like a dream.

Zero sighed, sitting up a little, relishing in the comfort he felt - it was so real; he was starting to wish he could live in this dream forever.

He caught himself being silly, and shook his head to clear his thoughts.

At least it wasn't another restless night filled with nightmares and twisted fantasies of tearing people's throats out and bathing in their blood.

His feet touched the cool marble floor of the room, and he realized that the large elaborate windows were actually heavily draped as he looked about some more, taking note of the vivid sharpness of this dream. He made his way to the closed door on the left, somehow knowing that it led to a hallway. The place looked familiar.

He was in the hallway now, his bare feet hardly making any noise on the cold floor, and he stopped at the door of the room next to the one he was in, peering in. The room was dark, and in it was a bed, not unlike the one he was in, but slightly smaller. In the bed was a man; asleep, because Zero could hear his soft, steady breathing, creamy limbs tangled in dark red sheets, chocolate brown hair peeking out from under a toned arm. Zero stepped past the door frame, tentatively making his way into the room. He stopped short of the bed, still unable to see the man's face, he continued to stare, and the figure on the bed, as if feeling his gaze, shifted.

If Zero had any doubts that it was dream, it was banished when he saw the man's face.

"...Kana...me..."

His voice sounded hoarse to himself, and the sleeping Pureblood stirred to the sound of his name, dark lashes fluttering open to reveal those stunning auburn orbs.

The man on the bed sat up quickly, his full attention now on the man standing by the bed, before he relaxed and ran a perfect hand through his hair.

"Zero," Kaname was surprised that the priest had found him; the Pureblood prince had spent the night in the guest room and let Zero take his bed, not daring to stay by his side in case the priest didn't want to see him when he woke.

He knew he had screwed their relationship up; he had totally destroyed the fair-haired man's life. Because of him, Zero was now a Level D that was in danger of falling to a Level E. The Kuran had been stupid enough to kill Riido before letting Zero drink from him in his fury. Kaname's fist clenched around the sheets, his expression turning dark as he mentally cursed himself for failing to protect the priest, for being rash and impudent and foolish. He almost forgot that the man he was worrying about was standing next to his bed.

"Kaname?" The priest sounded unsure, an expression of confusion on his perfect features. He still had trouble believing that the Kaname in his dream could be so real. Every detail on his face, every strand of hair was so clear and defined and beautiful.

He couldn't help but reach out to the figure.

Kaname didn't think - he immediately reacted to Zero's action, meeting that wonderful outstretched hand and intertwining their fingers so that even their palms touched, he gently tugged the fair-haired man closer.

He pulled the slightly smaller man against him and wrapped his arms around him. There was nothing going on in his brilliant mind right now, it was solely concentrated on the person in his arms now, the person that was safe in his arms now. He breathed the scent that was Kiryuu Zero, but somehow, it had changed.

_This was not his Zero._

Zero nearly gasped as the Kuran touched him, reveling in the warmth and how real it felt. Would the real Kaname do the same if they met again? Or would he pretend he was a complete stranger now that he was one of those things? Would he kill him?

Zero _knew_.

He knew that it couldn't be real, the Kaname that was holding him, the comfort the man provided, the warmth. He was probably lying in his bed at the back of the church, now padlocked to keep people out and himself in, so he wouldn't turn into one of those monsters. He knew he was going to eventually, and he prayed for death or some miracle or for it all to be a horrible nightmare, but nothing ever happened, so why would it matter now? He was going to die a monster, he was going to die alone. God would no longer accept him into His ranks, he was defiled and damned. He was going to become a Monster and no one would save him.

Not even Kuran Kaname.

Hot tears started to fall from the priest's eyes, shaking his still malnourished frame. The brunet holding him shifted a little to give the crying man space, saying nothing as he ran a gentle hand through silver strands and drew circles on that beloved back.

The priest wanted to give in to this sweet illusion, too good to be reality, because Kaname had left him, Kaname had let him become -this-. His heart ached, as he continued to cling to the figure he thought was a dream, and the figure simply held him tighter, pressing light, cautious kisses on his hair.

"I hope I never wake up..."

The figure holding him stiffened, but still said nothing, instead pulling away gently so he could look at that lovely face.

A shaking hand cupped the fair-haired man's cheek, thumb swiping at the tears that fell. Soft lips pressed against Zero's, muffling his soft sobs. A warm hand massaged his scalp, moving on to his nape, kneading and stroking. It felt good, it felt like he was a child again, in the arms of someone who could keep him safe and loved him. He felt vulnerable, and he cursed himself for it, because it had been so very long since he was this shaken, so very long since he had shed tears of self-pity. But then again, this was his dream; no one would see him crying.

"This isn't a dream, Zero."

Zero opened his eyes. He didn't know when he closed them, but the man was still holding him, the man was still warm.

Kaname was still there. The scent of roses was so strong, so comforting. Kaname pulled away from him a little, now pressing him down onto the bed, fingers lacing with his own. The brunet loomed over him, obscuring what little light came in from the windows.

Zero didn't know why, but he didn't feel intimidated; the feeling that assaulted him was something he didn't recognize. The brunet continued to study him with that amber gaze, strong and quiet, beautiful and kind. Zero didn't know what to say.

It had to be a dream.

"You don't believe me," the pureblood whispered, more of a statement for himself than Zero, and he sighed, a small sad look reflected on his perfect features.

"I don't blame you." Zero closed his eyes as the older man kissed him again, on the forehead this time. Strong arms slid under his neck, pulling him into an awkward and uncomfortable embrace.

"_I'm so sorry, Zero_."

Something in Zero clicked.

"You're real." it was no more than a whisper, something to convince himself that he wasn't in a dream, that he was actually by Kaname's side, and that Kaname was here, now, hugging him.

It was surreal.

But it was reality.

Anger flooded him then, an inexplicable, terrible anger filled his whole being. He shoved at the man holding him, tears filling his already puffy eyes, only quieting down when the older man didn't release him after five minutes of struggling.

He tried to control his voice as he spoke.

"_Why did you leave_?"

The Kuran didn't answer. He didn't even move.

Zero glared at the man's shoulder, the only part of the Pureblood in his line of sight.

"Why did you leave?" he asked again, his voice slightly harder and louder, demanding an answer from the brunet. Again, the pureblood did not speak.

A fair hand clutched at the pureblood's back, passive, but ready to pull the older man off him. Zero's voice was shaking.

"Why did you leave if you were going to come back?"

The priest took a deep breath before continuing, shutting his eyes tightly.

"I missed you."

Kaname froze, stunned. He hadn't expected Zero to be so frank, nor so honest. He thought the priest would hate him now, for allowing all those things to happen to him.

The priest's voice pulled him put of his reverie.

"You left me."

The three words were full of accusation and something that Kamame couldn't quite place.

"I'm sorry." that was all Kaname could say, all he could give right now. As much as Kaname hated to admit it, he wasn't god - he wasn't powerful enough to reverse everything that had been done.

Zero didn't reply, he just kept looking at the defeated pureblood, his anger threatening to dwindle into nothing as he watched the deep regret on Kaname's face.

Zero remained silent as he moved closer to the brunet, tentatively resting his chin on the pureblood's shoulder, somewhat accepting the embrace now. Kaname thought he would die of happiness. That Zero had forgiven him so easily for all that happened seemed completely beyond him, but the fact that he did made him want to treasure the younger man for the rest of his life. Zero was so strong, he was so very strong - Kaname felt himself in awe. Whatever had happened to him would have broken any other human, but not Zero, his beautiful, precious Zero.

Then he realized that he had been wrong since the beginning.

Zero wasn't his weakness; he was his _strength_.

A strength that was void of darkness, manipulation, and influence. It was pure light. Zero couldn't be tainted by darkness, the idea of it seemed absurd now. Zero would save him from his darkness; he would be his means of salvation. Zero would be his, and his _alone_ -

"May I have you?"

The voice that spoke was trembling, and Zero was honestly surprised that the pureblood could sound that way, so desperate and yet calm. He was confused, because what Kaname was asking didn't make sense.

"Don't you already?"

The Kuran lifted his head then, to stare at him, his amber eyes glowing slightly in the darkness, and Zero felt a violent shiver run down his spine.

The slightly smaller man jerked, turning away as he tried to push the memories that image triggered back to the depths of his brain, whispering a harsh

"Don't,".

Kaname didn't move though, he kept his eyes fixed on the priest, who was now squirming uncomfortably. The memories were winning.

Zero started struggling, trying to push the brunet off of himself, desperately fighting to regain composure. Kaname said nothing, but held the priest in place, slowly leaning in again, watching the fear build in those beautiful violet orbs.

"_Stop it_," the priest's voice was small and trembling. The hands clutching his arm tightened to a point that was uncomfortable even for the pureblood.

He felt horrible as the fair haired man kept trying to push him away, as the man he now knew he wanted kept trying to distance himself from him.

But this was necessary.

Kaname put an elegant finger on his lips, bidding the priest to be silent.

"It's me, Zero. Kaname. I'm not going to hurt you," the pureblood whispered.

_I've done enough of that._

He guided the priest's hands to his face, having a little trouble getting the man to let go of his arm, but leaning into the warmth of those wonderful hands when they finally made contact. The fair haired man was still clearly alarmed, lilac eyes wide and blind, trying to wrench himself out of the pureblood's grasp. Kaname didn't budge, despite how his heart ached.

"It's Kaname," he repeated, hating his uncle, hating the fact that Zero was seeing that _bastard _instead of him when he was right in front of him - he kept his hold on the priest's wrists, leaning closer so that their noses touched.

"It's _your Kaname_, Zero."

The glowing eyes frightened Zero, but in them he didn't see the crazed bloodlust, the twisted amusement: all he found in these eyes was sadness and regret.

The priest quieted, taking long, deep breaths, his fingers slowly moving on their own to run over what soft skin they found.

"Kaname," he repeated, as Kaname released him, pressing light kisses onto his eyelids and cheeks. Zero was still shaking, unable to stop himself from remembering in those short hours Riido had him in captivity how many times Zero was reminded of Kaname, how many times he kept telling himself that Kaname would never do this to him, would never let this happen.

He was wrong.

_It was as good as Kaname doing the deed himself._

Zero pressed back against the pillow, shaking his head weakly, covering his face with his hands.

"No," he choked, his breaths short and labored.

"_My Kaname left me_."

Kaname's heart was crushed.

His insides felt as if they had been turned to ice - he couldn't breathe, he didn't trust his voice to speak. His chest constricted with a pressure that scared him.

…There was nothing he could say to defend himself.

He quietly got off of the priest, his brain racing as he thought about what had happened - what he had caused. It was unforgivable. He couldn't forgive himself.

He sat at the edge of the bed, hands clasped near his lips in thought and self-blame.

The soft sobbing from behind him was breaking his heart.

Kaname stood, not turning he whispered an apology, taking a shaky step toward the door. The second step was more controlled, and he found himself outside of the room soon enough, his thoughts plagued by the images of Zero's pain.

The agony he had helped cause.

He didn't know what to do – he had never been in a predicament this complicated, he had never actually _felt_ so much in all his existence – it disturbed him a great deal how close he allowed the priest, how much the other man's pain was taking its toll on him as well.

It confused him.

* * *

For the next three days Zero did not see Kaname.

The brunet had sent someone named Seiren to "take care" of him, to see to his daily needs – his meals, his entertainment – to just _watch_ him.

"Where's Kaname?"  
The woman simply looked at him, silent. There was something in her eyes that was akin to pity, and Zero simply didn't know how to react to that. The only answer he managed to squeeze out of her the single time she opened her mouth in three days was "Kaname-sama is attending to something important."

Zero didn't know how to feel – he felt worse as each day passed, and Kaname was avoiding him. He certainly didn't blame him, after what he had said, but as he kept rewinding things in his head he realized how insensitive he was, how blatantly cruel.

Kaname saved him.

His heart throbbed every time he thought of what had transgressed in that room, and he wanted to apologize, to try and make things better.

The door opened.

Zero didn't look up – it was probably Seiren; but when the person entered the room, Zero knew immediately who it was.

"Kaname!"

The priest rose from his position by the window, his book now forgotten on the just-vacated seat.

The brunet had an unreadable expression on his face, and in his hand was a box of something that looked like pills and a glass of water. The taller man moved over to the table silently.

His eyes hadn't meet Zero's since he entered the room.

Zero's thin ray of hope was reduced to a dull glow.

"These are chemical substitutes for blood, they should sate your thirst. Of course, they will never be as good as the real thing, but in the case of an emergency they come in handy."

Zero was puzzled, watching Kaname drop a white pill into the glass of clear water, and watching that water morph into a crimson that reminded him of Kaname's eyes.

Zero wanted answers.

"I don't understand."

Kaname didn't turn to face him – the older man just paused in his actions, the only hint that he was even listening to the priest.

"What emergency? Why haven't I seen you at all in three days? Where have you been?"

Kaname's sigh was almost inaudible.

"In the case that I'm not available and you are hungry, you should consume these." Kaname turned towards the door.

"As for where I've been – I don't believe it to be your concern."

Zero's heart froze.

"…What?"

Kaname didn't answer, but he took a step to the door.

Zero was outraged.

"What do you mean by that?"

The priest couldn't keep his voice down, he was _angry_, and he wanted answers, and most of all, he wanted _Kaname_. He didn't understand why Kaname was behaving the way he was: why he was avoiding him, why he refused to look at him, why he was pushing him away.

…Did he hate him now?

Zero's heart _broke_.

He covered his mouth to try and muffle the strangled whimper that escaped his throat, his other hand clutching at the dull ache in his chest.

…_Did Kaname hate him now?_

If the brunet detected the change in the priest he didn't show it.

The older man had reached the door and was about to touch the handle when the other person in the room stopped him.

"…I don't want any replacements."

Zero's voice was cracking. Soft. Unsure.

Kaname's heart ached.

"All I want is _you_, Kaname."

Kaname couldn't believe his ears.

He didn't dare to turn around; he didn't even dare to lower his hand from the door handle. He merely stood there, frozen and rooted to the ground, trying to internalize what had left Zero's beautiful lips.

He heard the priest move closer, before two hands touched his shoulders, sliding down to hold his arms.

"I'm…_I'm sorry_."

The brunet had turned, swiftly pulling the fair-haired man into his arms. Kaname's brain was on autopilot; he crushed their lips together, ignoring the surprised gasp from Zero, he pulled away and buried his face in the crook of the younger man's neck and just _breathed_.

"Don't be sorry, Zero. I…"

Kaname's grip started to loosen.

"I…I don't deserve it."

Kaname pulled away, and for the first time in four days he looked into Kaname's eyes.

Sadness: that was all that he found there.

Kaname raised a hand as if to caress the priest's cheek, but stopped short, forcing himself to pull away, his eyes cast to the floor.

"I don't deserve any of this."

There was a soft click, and Zero was left alone again, with nothing but his sorrow and confusion to keep him company.

* * *

A/N: Hello again! I'm very sorry I took so long to update this time as well. I haven't read through it, so any mistakes are my own. It's getting terribly dramatic and increasingly filled with angst isn't it? –kicks self-

The next chapter'll be along in a while I guess. I've started school again and I have a good many commitments so I may not have as much time to write. But then again if you've stayed with me until now I suppose you're quite used to me taking a long time, huh. –gets shot-

Well, until next time then! Drop a review please!

~forbiddenist.


	5. Chapter 5

Father Complex

5.

_Kaname raised a hand as if to caress the priest's cheek, but stopped short, forcing himself to pull away, his eyes cast to the floor._

"_I don't deserve any of this." _

_There was a soft click, and Zero was left alone again, with nothing but his sorrow and confusion to keep him company. _

* * *

The Vampire society has a hierarchy – the untouchables, Level E, feral Vampires that have lost rational thought were at the bottom of the triangle, and Purebloods sit at the very top. The Kuran family is argued to be one of the "roots", otherwise known as the oldest bloodlines in existence.

A Vampire could grow stronger by ingesting the blood of humans, and the effect was amplified manifold when a Vampire ingests the blood of another Vampire, and even more so if it was the blood of a Pureblood. Naturally, most Vampires who wish to attain power would try to consume Pureblood; and if Pureblood can be attained, why not a Kuran's?

It all started with Kaname's Uncle.

Kuran Riido. He was a power hungry, greedy, self-centered piece of work, and he had been trying to get stronger since he first learned of it and could exercise his powers. Naturally, familial bonds and kinship meant little in his eyes. He wanted the best of everything – and he settled no less than Kaname's parents, his own brother and sister. It sickened Kaname to even think about it now, how he could share the same blood as such a man – but his father, his father was strong, and didn't go down without a fight. His parents had long foreseen the threat that Riido posed, and his mother wanted to protect them, Kaname a youth at that time, no more than twelve, and his younger sister of seven, by sending them away. She sealed his sister's memories and gave her the characteristics of a human, and Kaname was to watch over her. And so, he and his sibling were sent away, while their parents fended off the threat. But somewhere along the way, he lost her. Through the many _systems_ that he had to go through being only twelve, he couldn't stay with her. He was frantic when he heard of the death of his parents. He was ashamed and enraged at himself for not being able to protect the only thing left to him that was truly important. He felt like a failure.

So he worked hard.

He slowly built up his reputation, gathered allies that he could trust with his life, pulled strings with his superior bloodline, learned to maneuver the ropes of politics with such ease and mercilessness one would regard him with awe and fear.

He became _the Kuran Kaname_, Pureblood prince.

He built a wall around himself so that no one could get near him, an impenetrable defense in the form of a kind smile and a level crimson gaze.

But Zero, Zero managed to crack that defense with his patience and charm and beauty. It was something Kaname had never expected. Until he met Zero, his sole purpose of existence was to protect his sister and revenge his parents. It was what was expected of him, it was what he owed himself. He had not expected to need to create an outlet for romance – the idea had seemed so ridiculous and redundant that he had almost sworn it would never happen to him. He was too soiled in the things that he did, he was convinced that no one would want him. _No one would want him as _him. Given, he had received countless propositions of marriage from many females and advances from males, but no one _knew_ him; no one cared to. Until that very night he stepped into that church with a blood-soaked shirt and his mind at breaking point that the thought of spending the rest of his life with one person might not be as superfluous as it first occurred to him.

Zero, so pure, so bright in his innocence and strong in his beliefs – Kaname was afraid – he knew that he was falling, being sucked into a whirlpool of desire for the priest; but he could not resist the urge to return to the church night after night just to catch a glimpse of the younger man. But a glimpse was _never enough_, and Kaname found himself talking to him, touching him.

_In love with him_.

* * *

He didn't understand.

Why was Kaname pushing him away? Did his feelings change? Was his presence no longer desired now that he wasn't human anymore?

Insecurities were eating at him like a disease.

After their little encounter, Kaname did not show himself in front of him again.

Zero sighed, going back to chopping his carrots, adding the pieces to the pile of other ingredients to his stew.

Idly, as his hands worked, he thought about Yuuki.

…Was she alright?

What was she doing now?

He had been so caught up in his own problems, he had completely forgotten about the brunette. He made a mental note to visit the girl, but in his current state it would be almost impossible.

He looked up at his reflection on the window pane.

He looked like he had been through hell (which was not untrue) and he had regained some of his previous weight, thanks to Kaname, but his eyes were blood shot and dimly glowing, like he was one of _them_ – but he always forgot.

He _was_ one of them.

It was like a never-ending nightmare, he didn't know how he could continue living like this – he had to keep the church going, he had sermons to deliver, people to save.

But who was he kidding?

He couldn't even save himself.

He felt like some expensive pet.

_Slice._

Zero flinched, bringing up his bleeding finger to his mouth immediately, trying to numb the slight stinging as well as dull the intense smell of his own blood. He had barely walked to the sink to wash the wound when Kaname's loyal 'servant' was behind him, trying to catch a glimpse of the wound.

"Are you alright, Kiryuu-sama?"

Zero nodded, a small smile on his pretty face.

He didn't want anyone to worry about him, even if it was through obligation.

"I'm fine, Seiren. Thank you for your concern."

The girl had nodded, and bowed out. Zero watched her go a little sadly.

It took another two seconds before the wound healed completely.

_He was a monster now._

He went back to his curry.

The fragrant smell of curry filled the room.

Zero put his hands on his hips, thinking for a moment, before heading into the kitchen to get a knife.

_He was lonely._

He rolled up his sleeve, making a small incision on his arm, shaking off the aroma of his own blood, he waited.

It didn't take long for the young woman to show herself in his room the second time that day.

"Kiryuu-sama, are you alright?"

Zero smiled, grabbing a tissue to wipe up the excess blood from his open wound, he gestured to the table.

There, neatly placed out were two sets of dining utensils.

"Would you please join me for dinner, Seiren?"

The vampire looked utterly stupefied at his request, unable to respond for a near two seconds, before she bowed deeply.

"I would not dare to, Kiryuu-sama."

Zero sighed. He knew that she would say something along those lines.

"Call me Zero. I've already made enough for two. You wouldn't want to waste my efforts, would you?"

The girl seriously looked troubled as she debated over in her head whether she should accept his offer or not, and when she sat down the priest laughed, and took his seat as well.

"Dinner should be eaten together, don't you think?"

Seiren had blushed, but acceded, timidly digging into her serving of rice and curry, secretly relishing its outstanding taste.

"This is delicious, Kiryuu-sama."

Zero smiled, he had settled for watching her eat for a while before actually starting on his own portion. He took a small bite, not understanding why his throat felt dry and irritated as he swallowed, why his chest felt like it was being crushed.

* * *

He had mustered up the courage to visit Yuuki the next day.

She hadn't woken at all, and it worried him. Not to mention that Cross was a total wreck in the time that Zero had disappeared – he had hit him on the head before pulling him into a bone-crushing hug that Zero found he didn't dislike. Zero was thankful that Cross didn't question him, and had instead made him a nice cup of tea as they sat at Yuuki's bedside and 'caught up'. Zero brought up the topic of closing the church for the moment and finding someone to take over him, because at the rate things were going, he didn't know whether he could find the strength to continue.

Cross had simply listened, holding his gaze. Zero felt so incredibly guilty that he had looked away, to the floor.

"I won't ask you what happened, Zerorin. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, Yuuki's here for you, and that we love you and we care for you so much. As for the church, I've been taking care of things, and Toga has been back for about two days; he wants to see you, but if you're not comfortable with that yet I could probably tell him that you're busy with other things for a bit."

Zero nodded.

Toga Yagari was the person who had inspired him to become a man of God, he had personally groomed him into the man he was. Strong, unwavering faith; his personality was like a whirlwind of determination, wisdom and responsibility. Not to mention a scarily quick temper. If he saw him in the state he was in now, there was no doubt he would be getting one of the worst scoldings of his life.

"Thank you, Cross."

The older man had chuckled, squeezing his shoulder affectionately.

"Call me _daddy_, Zerorin!"

Zero flashed him a rare smile, before turning to look back at Yuuki.

"How is she? Did the doctors say anything? Do they know the cause yet?"

Cross frowned, shaking his head.

"They still can't determine what caused her to lose consciousness."

The fair haired man continued to watch the sleeping girl, so blissfully innocent and carefree. He reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face and gently ran a finger down her cheek.

Cross regarded the scene before him fondly, before glancing at his watch.

"Zerorin, I need to go back to the church, will you be okay here on your own?"

"Of course, I'm not a kid anymore." The younger man shot him a dirty look, before smirking.

"Be careful."

* * *

Kuran Kaname walked through the electronic doors with a heavy heart.

He had been searching, searching for so terribly long, and he was finally going to meet _her_.

He almost couldn't believe that she had been so _close_ and he didn't know a thing. It was almost like a dream come true. He had been waiting all his life to meet her again – his precious angel. The one person that he could love unconditionally and who would love him back.

He was finally going to see his sister.

It had taken ever so long – the association wouldn't divulge her whereabouts, and the guild didn't know a thing. He had had to overtake the association by force to get to where he was now. Now, everything was under his control, everything was going to be okay.

His strides were long and swift, his heart pounding in excitement and earnest – he hoped that the information wasn't another shot in the dark.

He stopped in front of the door, frozen in shock.

Why…

_What was Kiryuu Zero doing in that room?_

In that moment, he was torn between going in to see his precious sister and running from the man he knew he loved.

He knew what he was doing to the man, he wasn't blind; he watched over him everyday, and he could see exactly how lonely the man was, but he couldn't bring himself to be in his presence.

He had brought about Zero's now unchangeable fate. Zero didn't realize the gravity of the situation – but Kaname _knew. _He knew that he had condemned him to a fate worse than death.

It was better for Kaname to cut things off now, to distance himself from the man who made a difference to his life. To spare him from any heartbreak. To _protect_ him, and to protect himself.

But he _couldn't_. He felt so unbearably half-assed that he wanted to slap himself.

The brunet reasoned that it was better to guard him from a distance, where Kaname felt safe and in control. Where Kaname felt comfortable.

He knew it was selfish, but it was what he believed was best.

* * *

Zero set the flowers on the bedside table quietly, sensing movement, he turned and looked up, to see the person that he most wanted to see standing at the door with a look of utter desperation on his face.

_Kaname_?

The brunet had lowered his head and turned away, swiftly making his way to the lifts.

He could hear Zero calling after him, and only stopped when he felt familiar hands on his arm, trying to stop him from taking another step.

"Stop!"

Kaname cursed himself mentally for being so weak to that voice.

"What are you doing here?"

Kaname didn't feel obligated to answer, but replied anyway.

"I'm here to see my sister."

Zero raised an eyebrow.

"Your…sister?"

He didn't know that Kaname had siblings.

Kaname's expression remained stoic, as he elaborated.

"I've been searching for her since we were separated when I was twelve. She was taken from me."

Zero took in the information slowly.

"She's here?"

Kaname nodded mutely.

"Where is she?"

Kaname turned, gesturing to the room that the fair-haired man had exited.

"She's in there."

Zero's eyes widened a fraction as he tried to understand what Kaname was telling him.

"Her name is Kuran Yuuki."

* * *

Kaname was stroking her hair.

It seemed like a dream, that he could be next to her, to touch her, to speak to her.

Zero was outside, the brunet had asked to be alone with his sister, and Zero had awkwardly obliged, not knowing how to react.

The priest was standing at the door peering in, watching how at peace the both of them looked even in such a state of despair.

Zero didn't know what to do. He was strangely numb to the information that Kaname had shared, that Yuuki was related to him by blood – his younger sister. Did that mean that they shared a sister? Without knowing it? It was so coincidental that Zero was still having trouble believing it. Yet he never felt more at peace. His two most important people were in the same room, and they were related. His two most important people were now closer to each other than he would ever be.

The young man fought away the seedlings of jealousy that took root to his heart.

This was foolish. It was selfish of him to think that way. He should be happy for Kaname, that he's finally traced his sister here. He should be happy for Yuuki, both of them being orphans, Yuuki had always needed someone to care for her and love her; and who better to than her biological older brother? Yes, this was a good thing.

But Zero couldn't pretend that his chest didn't ache.

Kaname had stayed until visiting hours ended.

Zero had been allowed back into the room, but both men hadn't spoken since their little confrontation before.

As the nurse politely told them that they had to leave, Kaname had a look on his face that Zero hadn't seen before.

_Relief_.

Zero felt a particular violent tug at his heartstrings.

* * *

Both men walked in pregnant silence as they made their way to Kaname's vehicle. The brunet had opened the passenger door for him, and Zero embarrassedly got into the car without voicing his displeasure at being treated like he couldn't do things on his own.

He waited anxiously as Kaname walked round to the driver's seat, thinking about what he should say.

"Does this mean that Yuuki is a Vampire as well?"

Kaname froze in the middle of releasing the parking brake at Zero's sudden and seemingly unwelcome question.

"…Yes."

Kaname resumed functioning, trying his best to distance himself mentally from the beautiful man who he knew he desired with every fiber of his being on his right.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

Kaname hummed.

"I believe so. Something triggered her withdrawal. It's only a matter of time before she wakes and starts to remember her heritage…her family."

He quietly waited for more questions from the priest, but was surprised when there were none.

Kaname's amber gaze flitted to the passenger's seat.

"Aren't you going to ask me what happened?"

Zero didn't reply immediately, and Kaname could feel that stunning violet gaze on him.

"I won't ask if you don't want me to know."

It was times like this that the Vampire felt that he was really blessed to meet and love someone like Kiryuu Zero, but caught himself.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know, Zero."

Zero was taken aback at that statement. He didn't expect Kaname to be so open to telling him about his past. The little spark of hope in him had grown to a small ray of light.

"Tell me, please, Kaname."

Kaname nodded, his expression still apathetic.

Zero tried not to keep staring as Kaname slowly opened up to him.

* * *

After their talk, Kaname continued to appear before him, replacing Seiren himself, but he always kept his distance – he didn't make eye contact, he avoided physical contact, and he hardly spoke more than necessary.

Zero didn't know what to think.

_They felt like strangers._

Zero couldn't help but think…

Was the Vampire beside him in obligation?

Kaname was at his desk, finishing some important looking paperwork, and Zero was by the bay window, his book propped in his hand.

The silence and tension was thick enough to slice with a knife.

Undoubtedly, Zero was upset.

He had lost everything in the short span of time he had knew Kaname – his home, his humanity, his _faith_. He had been forced into a being that killed to survive, like a beast; his feelings towards the Vampire were muddled yet unnaturally strong. And yet somehow he had a feeling that all this had happened for a reason – that he was a part of a larger plan by the Man Upstairs.

He didn't want to trouble the Vampire – he hadn't wanted the Vampire to feel responsible for anything that had happened. He simply wanted him to _be there_. But now that he _was here_, it felt as if they were further apart than ever before. He itched to ask Kaname about _why_ he was physically here if he didn't want to be, but he didn't dare to.

He didn't want to break the fragile sense of normalcy they had returned to.

…But he hated how things were now.

He noticed he had been reading the same page for the third time.

He frowned, closing his book and looking over at Kaname, who had a face of concentration as he sorted out paperwork and wrote down a few things.

Zero couldn't take it anymore.

arts"…it's not your fault."

Kaname didn't look up; the scribbling sound of pen on paper grew slightly louder.

"It is."

Zero leaned back against the wall, looking out the window.

"It's not."

"I don't want to argue with you."

Zero paused, regarding Kaname's face as the brunet feigned annoyance and continued writing.

"Are you here because you feel responsible?"

"…yes."

"Are you here because you want to be?"

"No."

"Do you hate me?"

Kaname put his pen down, his amber gaze still trained to the floor.

"…I don't know."

Zero's heart sank, but he made no sign of it, hiding behind his façade of strength and nonchalance as he continued to stubbornly stare out the window.

"So you hate me."

He hated sounding so whiny, like some love-sick heroine trying to get answers.

Kaname didn't answer, and the scribbling had resumed.

Zero lowered his head slightly, leaning against the glass as his insides churned.

"Why?"

There was a pause in the scribbling, but it resumed a second later.

Zero tried to keep his voice from breaking.

"…Is it because I'm no longer what you want me to be?"

The priest was startled by the sudden sound of the chair being pushed out, and his lilac gaze watching Kaname, who was now standing, his hands flat against the surface of the table, his head lowered.

"What do you want from me?"

Zero felt his heart break at the evident strain in the Vampire's voice. It broke his heart that Kaname was so affected, but this was something the both of them had to confront.

He steeled himself.

"…I've already told you what I want."

Amber eyes finally met Lilac. Zero was surprised he managed to keep his voice level.

"…But what do _you_ want?"

Kaname broke eye contact first, shaking his head, moving away from the table and towards the coat stand to grab his coat.

Zero's voice cracked as he spoke.

"_I_ want to be by your side."

Kaname paused, his expression unreadable. He had already reached the door.

"But if that's not what you want then I'll leave."

It was quiet, but Zero heard him loud and clear.

"…You can't leave."

Kaname paused, his hand turning slack on the door knob.

Zero waited, his insides twisting uncomfortably as he stood by the window, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt.

Then Kaname finally spoke again.

"I'm afraid, Zero."

The priest listened, stepping closer to the figure by the door, he reached out to tentatively touch his back.

He felt the brunet stiffen, but he didn't move away.

Zero pushed a little bit more, leaning his forehead against that broad back.

He could feel the slight tremor that ran through the taller man's body.

"Why?"

His voice was quiet; as if speaking any louder would shatter this moment.

"…I'm afraid that I'll hurt you again. I'm afraid that you'll become my one weakness, my one _strength_."

Kaname paused, sighing, gathering himself before continuing.

"I'm terrified of becoming so dependent. I'm afraid that the next time, I…"

The Vampire trailed off, allowing himself to indulge as two lean arms wrapped around his waist from behind. Zero was so _warm_.

"…I won't be able to protect you."

"But you're protecting me now?"

"I want you to be safe."

"Because you feel guilty?"

"I feel terrible, Zero. I can't sleep at night thinking about the atrocities I've committed against you-"

"_Kaname_." Zero whispered, nuzzling the shoulder blade in front of him, he allowed himself to squeeze the body in his arms.

"_You_ didn't do it."

He didn't. It _wasn't_ Kaname.

Zero had been both in shock and confusion when he had blamed him, but now his eyes were clear, he saw that he had been wrong – Kaname had been trying to protect him the whole time. He was just too stricken with denial to notice.

"I…"

Zero released him, gently turning the slightly taller man around; he rested his hands on the side of Kaname's cheeks, leaning up to press a chaste kiss on his forehead.

"It's not your fault."

Kaname's frame was trembling slightly, and Zero pulled him into an awkward embrace, stroking his hair gently. He held his breath quietly as he turned away from the soft sobbing come from the brunet.

No one was watching.

* * *

The brunet had fallen asleep against his shoulder; they had moved to the living room, and had sat next to each other in comfortable silence until the older man dozed off. He looked so tired.

Zero's emotions had calmed somewhat, and he reached over to play with stray strands of hair, stroking that proud mane. The priest's voice was so soft it was no more than a breath.

"…What do _you _want from me?"

There was no reply from the sleeping man, and Zero sighed as he nuzzled the weight on his shoulder; musing about how the both of them had gotten to this stage, and where they could go from here. The short span of time they had known each other seemed like years to him – all the events that happened seemed like a good dream turned into a nightmare.

One he had half the mind to get out of.

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry I took so long to update! I deserve death. OTL  
I plan to update more as soon as I finish my mountain of projects and exams! Once again I apologize for all the spelling/grammer errors/inconsistencies and the many time jumps in this chapter (it was really hard to write - so much drama!) and thank you for your patience with me and my writer's block and bad organisation. m(-_-)m I hope I answered some questions in this chapter... OTL I also should apologize for the short length of this chapter and messiness despite how long i took to write it. I'm terribly sorry. TAT Please bear with me and drop me a review please! They give me the strength to continue writing! QAQ


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